The Beach Whale Scenario & Me

Last Sunday, March 17th, 2013, something hit me like a ton of bricks. Now, one would think that all of these things would have been realized much quicker, much sooner, maybe with a little less alarm and panic, but that was just not the case. I mean literally woke up Sunday morning on good old St. Patrick's Day and thought to myself, "Two months from today, I will have been married ten years. TEN YEARS!" I thought about how that seems so long ago and yet, just like yesterday. I thought about all we had been through, how many times I had wanted to kill him, but didn't. I thought about how we started out living in a one bedroom apartment in a pole barn and had to shower at his grandparents. I reminisced about how happy, hopeful and in love I had been and how proud I am of all of the hard work that has resulted in where we are as a couple and as adults today. That made me smile and then I visualized myself, so much healthier, so much more spunky, and SO MUCH thinner. I remembered how fat I thought I was at the time and how after I had my first son, I worked my butt off so I could be smaller than I was on my wedding and it was in that moment, I panicked. Straight up panicked. I realized in the past ten years, after a multitude of health issues, two births, lots of stress, a desk job, and everything else life can throw at a person, I had managed to gain around forty pounds. That is four pounds per year and if I stay married to this man for the rest of my life, at that rate, I will be a beached whale when I die. I mean I might honestly die on a beach someday. I can see it now, me stomping through the sand, leaving behind, not footprints, but craters, crushing seashells into fine sands, and then I just fall over, causing a small earthquake and my carcass is left to be eaten by seagulls and hermit crabs on some 40th wedding anniversary trip years from now. This is my destiny and with that visual in my mind, I panicked folks! Who wouldn't panic at the thought of being beach rot??!!
So, the following day, I devised a plan. I mean I have dieted before. This isn't my first rodeo. Usually I research. Usually I lie to myself and others: "Yeah, I am doing this to get healthier." "I don't care how much weight I lose." "I really enjoy working out. It is such a stress reliever." "It is coming off slow, but that is o.k. with me."
Not this time. No, I am not o.k. with any of this! I may do this and I may fail, but no more lies. I have PCOS and endometriosis, which makes weight loss hard, but I know it isn't impossible. BUT! Let me tell you, it does piss me off that other people who do not have insulin resistance and hormone imbalances can lose weight so easily. When I am dieting, Facebook is my worst enemy. I get on there and read, "I quit drinking soda and lost ten lbs in one week." "I only ate one bag of chips instead of five and lost 3 lbs today." Umm yeah, I LOOKED at a cupcake and it attached itself to my thighs. I quit drinking soda, started exercising, and have only had carrots for the past three days and gained ten pounds, so up yours Facebook braggers! O.k. That was not only exaggerated; it was also a little mean. But, anyone who has ever dieted knows they have felt this way. It sucks, so I have made myself one vow, "stop comparing myself to others." They do not have my health problems, my slow metabolism, my genuine hatred of working out, or my body type. I bet they also lack my glowing personality and ridiculously gorgeous hair (I mentioned my sassy new do earlier, right? Still on that high. It is the little things when you're a mom).
Anyway, I digress from my rant about my hatred of Facebook during diet and I apologize if I have ever hated you for being able to lose weight easily. Hey, my husband is one of those people. He is actually the chip guy I was referring to. He can cut back on chips and lose ten pounds in a week! It isn't right or fair, but time to get over the pity party.
As of last Monday, here was my plan: not eating. Yep, that was it. I am going to starve myself skinny and forget you telling me it isn't healthy. That was the plan and I'd die trying. That plan obviously was destined for failure, so by 11 a.m. after a banana and cutie (the fruit that's like a tangerine), I decided I needed a real plan. I still do not have a real plan, so this is what I ended up doing. I limited my calories to between 800-1200 per day. I went from having an i.v. of Pepsi everyday to only one can per day. I cut out all carbs and starches. I started working out on an elliptical and doing some tension weights. I started drinking at least 32 to 64 ounces of water per day and for the first three days, I felt like complete and utter crap. I am not going to sugar coat it for you, you don't need those calories anyway. It was not a fun feeling. By day two, I was telling those I loved my goodbyes: farewell, adios, adu. Yes, it was that serious. I would not recommend this approach. I may have a little bit of some sort of obsessive, compulsive behavior. I am not sure, but I have an all or nothing approach. So it is either drink the vat of Pepsi or have no Pepsi at all. It is either work out until you sweat and have a stroke or do not work out at all. That's just me. And the only advice I did take was to gradually reduce my intake of soda, which I did and now, I am slowing reducing my intake of caffeine.
I still have no plan other than to lose as much weight as possible by my tenth wedding anniversary. I have no goal weight in mind. I haven't the slightest clue what I am going to do after my anniversary has came and went, but for now, I am going to use "My Fitness Pal", continue doing what I am doing, maybe try out different workout routines, and diet plans and just see where I end up. I am hoping that I lose at least ten pounds and I would LOVE to lose twenty, but I am not crazy. I am a relatively realistic person about things. I know that may not be possible and it is a short amount of time, but I am just going to go with it and see what happens. I mean I already own fat clothes and I have a few things a size or two smaller, so what is the worst that could happen?
I will try to post updates and share in my weight loss journey.
This week I am trying the "Military Diet", which I have seen pinned on Pinterest numerous times. I have no clue if it really works, but I figured since I have no plan that using this plan for three days just to see how it goes would not hurt. According to another blogger, you can lose up to 10 pounds in three days using this diet. This is the site I used to get the diet and I am currently on day one. According to blessedmommy's blog, she had some headaches from possible caffeine and sugar withdrawals, so my suggestion would be to take a week (or maybe even two) like I did and just go with the confusion and cut a little out a time until you feel comfortable trying this diet. I think that jumping right into it and going from cheeseburgers and soda to this would end in a lot of pain and suffering for three days. I will report back at later date on my results.